Sounds like Fedora Time!
Your NAME: Jess
Your NEIGHBORHOOD: Some boring corner of CT
Your ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Pisces
and most importantly,
Your HAT: Black fedora, with red pinstripes. Yeah, baby.
WHY your HAT SO DAMN SPECIAL: that should be obvious--it's a fedora. You can't go wrong there. Besides, I got it before it became "popular." Now it's on quite a few stores, in pink cordoroy, even. The horror.